This quote of Fromm came up while doing some unrelated research. It strikes me that there ought to be many cumulative levels of teaching this concept throughout a child’s education, along with supporting material approaching these comments from all sides, until the little beasties all grasp the meanings. And it should be noted that genuine requited love of any ilk is not necessarily around every corner and may not be around any corner. This is part of the human existence.
Be a loving person. But repeatedly giving love where it can make no difference (not the same as expecting a return), or where it reflects negatively on you, is harmful. A little bit of light in a vast darkness makes little to no impact. Accept love cautiously and thoughtfully. Be truthful to yourself and to others about the quality of your love for them.
Establish boundaries for your love, but not walls or requirements of others for winning your love based on embedded beliefs. Wanting to change a person, persons, or group is not loving them. It is manipulation. Not everything that masquerades as love is love, in part because those who purport to love have no idea what it means, or because they are not on the same page and wanting a quality loving relationship. (See: cautiously and thoughtfully)
Genuine love is flexible and ever adapting. Do not judge. But love what is lovable. Love is not easy.
And one other thought. If you spend your valuable life in relationships of all kinds that are not loving, you are taking away from the time when you might be enjoying loving relationships, if you are so fortunate as to have those relationships. Even if you are not fortunate enough to experience any or many loving relationships, you are loving yourself for expecting more and better for your life. You are not lying to yourself, making exceptions, or accepting cheap imitations and scraps.
The Quote:
Infantile love follows the principle: “I love because I am loved.”
Mature love follows the principle: “I am loved because I love.”
Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.”
Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
Sense and Sentience 