Never the Twain: who you are and what they want

Just read one of the most truthful and powerful articles I’ve ever read. Lots of strong language. Click at your own risk. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

The essential point, which I sort of knew but never really allowed to fully materialize in my brain, is that we are and we are worth that which we have to offer people – who are all needy. It isn’t our inherent qualities that matter. It’s what we do that is valuable to people. If you aren’t giving someone in need what they want, they do not need you. Think about this in your personal and professional relationships. It may be subtle. But you are giving whoever is there for you something they need. When your supply isn’t enough or isn’t a specific match to their need, neither is their demand enough.

The blog author refers to the Alec Baldwin scene in that excellent but truly disturbing film Glengarry Glen Ross. You just have to close deals. That’s your worth and who you are. Your qualities are the dirt. The fruit you produce is all that matters. It’s cold. It’s harsh. It’s true.

I was deceived in my youth. Not so much by people, but by the uplifting and heartwarming stories and inspirational quotes and such that I nurtured myself with to fill a void and assuage feelings of aloneness and not fitting in and not having a solid foundation at home. That input didn’t prepare me for the real world.

This author says we must practice like a fiend whatever it is we do if we expect to make it valuable. My two cents in addition to that is that we shouldn’t make one of our inherent qualities a thing that we do well, unless we want that quality to be abused and debased. If you are wired particularly loving or sensitive, allowing your sensitivity to be twisted or exploited is not the fruit. Making your love something someone can’t be without might be the fruit. Or, better yet, making something “else” you do so attractive that you make people love you is your fruit. If you are wired with a caring heart, or particularly honest or ethical, posting sad stories on social media of people’s difficult situations is not the fruit. Learning to do something that provides answers to one or more of those situations might be the fruit. But that even sounds too simplified and probably not particularly valuable and not exactly on point in the context of the author’s premise. Clearly, I’m still working all of this out for myself.

Whew. This sounds like work. Doesn’t it?

It’s like I say to those who I coach. Learning isn’t easy, and it isn’t necessarily fun.

But if you aren’t learning you’re just being your dirt. You’re not getting yourself to the point where you can bear your fruit.

Someone once told me I am noble. I liked that. I was so proud. So what?

Protect those great qualities. But they are not the fruit.